If the onslaught of Slayer Christmas jumpers weren’t enough proof, Christmas does not bring out the most diverse creativity in the music merchandising world.
If the onslaught of Slayer Christmas jumpers weren’t enough proof, Christmas does not bring out the most diverse creativity in the music merchandising world. It’s too easy to play it safe; stick a bauble on a red over-sized knitted sweater, add your band name and there you have it – a systematic ploy tailored to the buy-now-think-later Christmas commerce we are so accustomed to. This is, however, not an encompassing rule. For good or bad there’s been a number of note-worthy Christmas releases. Idiotic to the highest degree, let’s take a look at the acts who should have just played it safe this holiday season.
Wu Tang Clan - Christmas Jumper
Despite being a Christmas jumper, the act this item comes from is enough to make this a notable mention. Wu Tang Clan have always stared down adversity and stuck to their guns, from “Wu Tang is for the children” to “fuck Joe Budden”. Last Christmas they solidified their ‘for the people’ reputation with this release. “I be tossing and flossing, my style is awesome.” RZA’s statement was always heavily discussed, but now we know for sure.
Rush - Christmas Bobble-Heads
Two years ago, Christmas was forever transformed. The demand for the holy triumvirate in bobble-form apparently peaked in the holiday season, leading to this charming stocking-stuffer for the whole world to neglect each and every year.
Atilla - Christmas Jumper
Music vile enough to make you question whether artistic freedom is truly acceptable and with slogan’s crude enough to make Mel Gibson look like a feminist, Attila are the musical equivalent of Roman Polanski - We know what they’re doing is insufferably unjust, but for some profound reason, we just let this keep happening. The latest in this is an eloquently decorated Christmas jumper. “Suck my Fuck”. Swearing? How outrageous.
Kiss - Gene Simmons Bauble
Jimmy Barnes - Shortbread
And lastly, ten number one albums and an incredibly successful musical career can do things to you. When you’re so unstoppable that every song you release is praised like gospel, how do you push the public to breaking point? Shortbread biscuits. It may not be rock and roll, it may not even be very Christmas-oriented, but it’s a precious gift for the holiday season.