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The Corbyn conundrum

The Corbyn conundrum

By: Kamran Tanner

Vitriol and ridicule. These are the weapons punctuating the media as the threat of a genuinely left-wing leader of a once left-wing party looms.


This is a public service announcement: There’s a rogue lefty on the loose. Do Not Fear! WE are here, the powers that still be, with your daily dose of Images and Words About New Crap (iWanc—Wanc Different™); lock your doors, shop online and keep an eye out for old young Stalin—But individually you bastards! Look at the poor overwhelmed, friendly neighbourhood gambling havens, chock full of honest, hardworking civilians wagering their honest, hardworking, completely and utterly taxable, pounds on which they think will collapse faster: the economy or the sky. Rupee Murdoch’s, totally FREE, hot tip: put money on BskyB < To be imagined scrolling from left to hard right (and staying, firmly, hard right) in flashing red, white and blue. All the money. All of it. It’s all just numbers on a screen now. Now that doom is upon us. Bloody commies, they probably want to introduce fiscal equality and fuck the consequences! The FUCKING consequences! Reckless hippies. You’ve seen what happened in the Soviet Union haven’t you? DO YOU WANT YOUR CHILDREN TO SUBSIST ENTIRELY ON KERNELS AND WHEY? (PANIC!) DO YOU WANT YOUR MOTORWAYS TO BE ONE LONG LINE OF MORRIS MINORS?! Nobody can save us now, not your white god, not your brown god, not even your non-god. You can’t not believe in your non-god when freedom is dead. Trapped in your identical cells, shitting in buckets. WHAT?? You think it’s only a game of shadow thrones?! You poor, naïve children. All creatures of shadow desire power. Have you not seen Harry Potter yet? [Purchase it here [1]] The dire wolves are howling for blood, hide your corgis you fucking muggles: the Red Terror is coming!!¡! %*@#!!!


[1] – Buy all eight thousand instalments NOWnowNOW and get a copy of some crap you really fucking don’t want FREE! [2]

[2] – Life in the free market, baby. Fuck Yeah!


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Vitriol and ridicule. These are the weapons punctuating the media as the threat of a genuinely left-wing leader of a once left-wing party looms. From a party perspective it’s the “return to the dark ages” that plagues Timelord, Jeremy Corbyn hardest, as he takes up arms in a leadership battle he didn’t initially like the look of. Who knows, perhaps he did that thing with the wet finger in the wind and forecasted shitstorm. 

Faecal gazer or not, most of the anti-campaign battering old Corbs and Co will have registered in mock surprise, if surprise at all. For ye olde Status Quo is a vengeful beast—threaten to beat and it shall bite first.

Look beyond the content and here is a man subject to ridicule as he riffs earnestly about that which he believes in, for the judgement, amongst others, that he is “unelectable”. He is not the same—so he is “unelectable”. He is something different—so he is “unelectable”. No one, no single person, is qualified to make that judgement. Not in a democracy worth its salt. And, just to confirm this annihilation of political integrity, this verdict implies that his counterparts have based their policies on that which they think is most likely to win them the great popularity contest, and not that which they believe will lead to genuine, positive change.  

The point here is not to profess an allegiance to Corbyn—though I do generally like much of what ebbs out of his bearded, grandfatherly face—but to highlight the power the mainstream media wields in its pursuit to uphold what it stands for, and the willingness to misrepresent and misconstrue for that cause, even at the cost of truth. Though it can be said that the media isn’t yet one, single-bodied entity, it is born under one, single-minded ideology, and routinely acts as a barricade before the establishment’s hallowed walls.


Basically, what I’m saying is: